These past three days, Mike has been in Las Vegas attending an EIFS class to get certified. Just hearing what the city is and has become is quite saddening. He had to deal with quite a bit, but is now home and happy :) While he was there he expressed how much I mean to him which subsequently melted my heart.
After dropping him off at the airport on Sunday, I was able to make it to a Sunday night service our church calls "Super Sunday Night". Lots of things happen at the service, but this Sunday, I think that God had a divine intervention planned for me. Part way through the night, I just got completely overwhelmed. Everywhere I looked there were children. As much as I tried to "be happy" and convince myself that it didn't matter, it did. I excused myself to fill up my water bottle, and began wading through the aisle amidst the 3,000 people or so situated worshipping in the pews. As soon as I hit the back of the sanctuary I could feel the burn in my eyes - a familiar sting. I filled up my Nalgene and tried to gather myself to go back in to sit down. I got about half way and my emotions took over. With tears streaming down my face I took a place in a back "corner" (the building looks like half a sphere and only has a type of supporting post in the back). I tried so many times to be okay, but my heart wasn't allowing my tears to dry and go back. While in the corner, I had a friend console me and ask if someone could come pray with me.
(Sorry if this is long. I like writing too . . . just the story of my life!)
A woman, who I didn't know, came beside me and looked me straight in the eye with conviction and deep love. She and a group of others had been praying for me ever since Arie died. Her words flew and yet she didn't miss a beat. So many things she said to me that night still bounce around in my head. She said that Arie had a purpose and that she lives out that purpose in me. Arie will never be forgotten and although I have been in a winter season, I will soon be recognizing the blossoms of spring in my life.
I am beginning to come out of my winter! Even though the loss of my precious baby girl still brings tears to my eyes and tugs on my heart, she also brings me smiles at times. She is right now the most influential person in my life. And if all of this just means all of that, it's enough for me.
Since Sunday night, I have had the opportunity to chat with some friends, talk with Mike and read away. All of this seems to be making me think all that much more. Fortunately, God likes thinking people and I have taken the plunge in to that pool right now.
. . . . . . . . . .
On a different note, it's weird to be home alone after I've been together with Mike for so long. It's nice to have the bed all to myself, and at the same time, I'm craving his warmth. All the chores still beckoned, life still moved on, but in a different pace, with different meaning. Quite odd.
Mike is now back home and we are going to be starting a new adventure! We have weighed the cost and measured the benefits. We have decided to participate in athletic classes. At first it really will be like personal training because the company we are going through is trying to get bigger and are just starting the classes. But it he future, it will probably end up a little more populated. Right now, we will have the opportunity to work out almost one-on-one and reap the benefits of doing it together. We are both hoping this will help us get healthier, sleep better, cause us to appreciate common ground, and the benefits just don't end!
Onward ho, to the next adventure we go!